Burning questions

Sunday night’s presentation of the 83rd annual Academy Awards left me with plenty of burning questions…

How did they wrestle enough gold from Glenn Beck to make all those Oscar statues? Will we ever actually see Florence’s machine? Who does costuming for Helen Bonham Carter’s off-camera wardrobe?

Can we recruit Mr. Pricklepants and Mrs. Potato Head to host next year’s Oscars? Who knew pregnant and purple was such a powerful combination? And when will I learn to say “JC Penney” and “Tim Gunn” in the same sentence without weeping?

I’ve also got lots of burning questions about Valley theater productions…

Who is the unfortunate 11th Jew who didn’t make it into Andy Warhol’s silkscreened “top ten” list? Why does technology conspire against me every time I try to interview playwright Josh Kornbluth? And how do I get my own “autobiographical monologist” gig?

How are all those folks over at Phoenix Theatre doing in the mastery of puppetry department? Are gay puppets made or are they just born that way? When will “Toy Story” be a Broadway musical so Toby Yatso can land the part of “Woody?” And what do you do — really — with a B.A. in English?

If famed actors Lunt & Fontanne were alive today, which network would carry their reality show? MTV? Bravo? Lifetime? What would all those “Design Stars” say about their tendency to confuse set design with interior decorating? And why were nine chimneys never enough for them?

Finally, a few notes to self…

Attend all future films starring actors who thanked their mothers. Buy a big girl phone so even acts of God won’t imperil interviews with really cool people. Do whatever it takes to wipe the image of Javier Bardem in a near-yellow tux out of your mind. And keep an eye on young Valley actors who may one day walk that famous red carpet.

– Lynn

Note: My three groups of questions for Valley theater companies refer to the following productions: “Andy Warhol: Good for the Jews?” (Actors Theatre, March 4-20), “Avenue Q” (Phoenix Theatre through March 20) and “Ten Chimneys” (Arizona Theatre Company, through March 6).

Coming up: “Macbeth” on the road, Art adventures: Roosevelt Row

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